Outside of having one of the worst days I’ve had in probably 2 years I can honestly say this week’s outlook is just as bad. What the fuck is going on this week? I hope its just me, and that this shit will turn around because damn if it doesn’t I’m to sucker punch a baby.

Here are your headlines:

Chris Brown ‘Of Course I Remember What Happened’ (We all do Chris, you faggot)
Speaking of Fag Brown, Jayde Nicole Gets Ass Kicked (Jade who?)
Britney Spears is a good Mom (I think so, and would fuck her to prove it)
Erin Andrews Interview with Oprah (Erin, just pose for Playboy and get it over with already)
25 Awesome Vanity Plates (According to Holy Taco)
The Babes Of The 2009 US Open (Making Tennis fun, finally)
Facebook Auto-Creeper (So you don’t have to)
The Ten Coolest Game Emulators Online (Say goodbye to your evening)
Monday Morning Randomness! (I hate Mondays)
‘Today’ show hires Jenna Bush Hager (Who? The Hot Bush Daugther. Oh yeah)

Lay the fuck off, we’ve been busy working on the new website and yes have fallen behind a day or two on our updates. Ah shucks, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at you, I love you guys. No really, I think we should get an apartment together. So what’s new? A lot, more to come so keep checking back.

The Headlines:
High schooler humbles pro (too bad Phlip Rivers suck shit)
Students Build Hydrogen Vehicle That Gets 1,336 MPG (that’s right, STUDENTS)
Hot Chick Victim Of Mean Prank (shes really not that hot)
Michael Jackson’s kids want to live with Janet (me too!)
Thirteen Things That Changed The World (by Getting Thrown Away)
Slumdog Mario (new classic)
5 Ways People Are Taking Harry Potter Waaay Too Seriously (you pothead retards)
Life is short, cheat and have an affair (100% guaranteed)
Jake and Amir: Girl Advice (help me, help you, help me)
LL Quarantined in KC (i bet he has ass aids. just sayn)
A Flowchart For What Career Path You Should Choose (choose wisely)

Rachel Weisz - Shim?

I’ll start off by saying this.. There is NO WAY Rachel Weisz is NOT a man. And as an official representative of “Beat Box” I can say “Fuck you Rachel Weisz! Beat Box doesn’t need your opinion on Beat Box you SHIM!”

Now for the headlines:

Report: Michael Jackson To Be Laid To Rest Wearing Signature White Glove (He’s Bad)
Hooman a.k.a. Nik Riche pulls another perfect publicity stunt (We decided)
North Korea getting the blame for cyber attacks? (No way, I smell Chinese Food)
Pelosi Shoots Down Jackson Resolution (Nancy is hot, what?)
July 8th 2009 aka 7-8-9 (Once every 1000 years)
6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can’t Explain (Who knew?)
FDIC Insurance Fund: It Doesn’t Actually Exist (Sure it does, it’s called War)
World’s Strongest Vagina In Action! (Whoa, sort of NSFW)

Chris Brown “I Ain’t a Monster” – No, you just beat up chicks. Douche!

New airline offers $9 seats – Sweet, I’ve always wanted to visit places like Des Moines and Lansing.

Cameron Diaz: Green with Envy - and still a annoying unfunny bitch

Filing for bankruptcy maybe not so bad for GM – I wish I was on the GM board of directors right now.

Chris Brown Sued By Photographer for Assault, Battery – am I the only one seeing a reoccurring theme here?

DailyFiasco.com’s Nik Richie beef – the daily who?